Religion

With the stress of Covid 19 lurking in every corner and self-isolation, the good thing is that my husband has now found Religion. In fact, he starts off his days with a prayer. As soon as he wakes up in the morning, rolls over and looks at me, the first words out of his mouth are, "Oh, Dear God". I am so blessed.

Day 129

Oh, Dear God..... Day 129 and we are still living with social distancing, masks, business shutdowns, rioting, loss of jobs, political sparring.....but that's okay.  We're here and on the other side of the dirt.

Lots of thoughts today that run the gamut from A to Z.

I am going to get the somber stuff out of the way so I can close with something humorous.  And we all need to chuckle now and then, don't we? 

#1......Many people I have known throughout my life, some closer than others, have passed away during these past 3 months.  More have died from chronic illnesses, heart attacks and accidents than have passed away from the COVID-19 virus. But other than the numbers of the COVID deaths being reported for statistical counts, the nation isn't aware of these folks no longer being with us.

I'm wondering if the intentions to honor these loved ones by hosting a Celebration of Life event will ever take place. At what point, if ever, does the moment pass where the need to be surrounded by friends and family for comfort passes?

And if they do take place, when we're able to get out and mingle with others....will we be doing much of anything besides wearing black and repeating the same words of sympathy to friends and family all experiencing the horrific loss of a loved one?  Seeing the same mourners doing and saying the same things?  Not a pleasant future ahead for those of us touched by the losses.

Over and done with...on to more pleasant thoughts.

#2......I've noticed I have gotten lazy with my choice of words when I'm writing. If I can't spell the word correctly, then I substitute a simpler word that I can spell.  Is this normal?  Or a sign of..........other things?

#3......Things are not always what they appear to be.

Case in point...now this is not a thought for those who are easily offended by descriptions of situations that could be of the "50 shades of Gray" type. 

Stop reading right now if you are.

Here goes....

My husband and I stood out in the heat for many hours yesterday while waiting for President Trump's arrival.  Being of a certain age, upon learning of the location, my first thought was about the bathroom facilities.

Upon arrival, I saw there were limited numbers of port-a-potties. So, I decided to pace myself with the water intake.  Before we were to be moved to another location, I thought I'd risk it and go into one of them. Wouldn't you know, the one I picked was not on level ground and my standing in one particular spot caused it to tip suddenly which caused me to panic but I quickly shifted my weigh and I righted it.  Safe to assume I was not going into one of those again.  Therefore, I drank nothing else.

Flash forward 2 hours later  to the tarmac.  Hot concrete, no breeze, no shade, high temperature and blazing sun..... and me not drinking any water and rapidly becoming dehydrated. And on the verge of passing out.

Add lots of people with phone cameras.

Now, picture me bent over at the waist, leaning on the metal row divider, with my husband  standing really tight against my body as he's pressing me firmly against the divider to keep my legs from folding and to prevent my falling to the concrete.  

 Add to this, visualize the motions I was making to keep my balance and his coordinated movements matched to mine to keep me on my feet.

If you should ever see any online photos or videos of me trying to stay upright at this event, please know it's not what you think.

Enough said.

Day 115

Here we are, still waiting for this crisis to be over. Not really knowing who to trust and unsure of what is fact or fabrication; accurate or embellished.

I never thought that events or situations in this country would be manipulated for political benefits.  In other countries maybe, but never here.

We elected persons to office who were going to serve in the best interests of the people.  They were never to be self-serving.

Spending time alone has given me more time to listen rather than speak.  And this time alone has allowed me to analyze, think and watch what other people are saying and doing. Is this good?  Time will tell, I suppose.

But, this self- semi-isolation has done one thing for me that I never expected.

Remember when we were kids, that Time took forever?  When we never thought our birthdays would come?  Or how impatient we were as we counted down the days for Christmas?

And remember when we realized that as we got older, the days just skipped by and became weeks, then months and then years in what seemed like a mini-second?  There weren't enough hours in a day and not enough time to do all we wanted to do.

Well, I'm finding that time has slowed down once again. There is no real point in rushing to get anything done, because the days are longer than before.

How did this happen?  Would it have happened anyway?

Ask us what day it is and notice that it takes a minute to answer...... because it doesn't matter.

Ask us what time it is and notice that we need to think before giving an answer.....because it doesn't matter.

Life is moving at a slower pace now and it gives us more time to smell the roses.  That's not a bad thing, is it?

Day 106

Lord have mercy!

Numbers of infected people keep going up, but thank goodness the number of deaths are not.

Looks like we're going to be expected to wear masks for the time being and only God and the Government knows how much  longer.

Speaking of masks...I hate wearing one; but I do.

The first one I wore had 2 ties that ran behind the head. And having to tie a knot and bow meant I usually ended up getting my hair caught each time I put it on and off.

Then I graduated to the ones that had 2 stretchy bands that went around the back of my head.  Those were easier to put on, but it took strategy not to have the back of my hair looking like a rooster in heat. I was thinking my next hair cut and style would be chosen by how it would work with the face mask.

So, I made an appointment to get a suitable, mask friendly haircut.

Then, remember I mentioned my husband accidentally stepped on my big toe?  I lost half the nail as a result. I wear open toe sandals during the summer and it looked funny to have a skinny strip of red nail polish on a toe that should have a large nail.

I went to CVS and bought fake toe nails to make the broken big toe nail match the other..  I followed the instructions, glued it on, painted it red and was very, very pleased with the result.

Now, fast forward to my haircut appointment, talking to another client who is sitting over 6 feet away from me. Remember we are in full view of each other.

The back of my ankle started to itch, really bad.  I didn't want to bend over and scratch it because I was in the middle of a haircut.

Just something you might want to think about.  If you're wearing a fake, glued on toe nail (in this case, on the left foot) and the back of your right ankle starts to itch, DON'T  try to scratch it with the big toe on your left foot if it's a glued on nail.

 Especially if you're in a situation where others have a clear view of your toes.. 

Do you understand why I'm saying this?

God bless this woman for just glancing at the now halfway unglued, hanging by a thread, toe nail and continuing the conversation as though this was a normal occurrence.

I'm sure she had a story to tell when she got home.

Day 100

Oh, Dear God.   Did I ever think we'd reach a triple digit number of days of self-quarantining and social distancing?  No, I did not.

I won't deny the fact that this is testing me....big time.

Little things that used to bother me have now become big things that bother me.

Case in point...The Last One.

Does that mean anything to you? It does to me.  It means I have to open a new box, or refill the jar or restock the whatever.

Many, many moons ago do you recall my mentioning  a contract of sorts where household  responsibilities were to be shared as the situation came up? I remember; my husband doesn't.

Consequently, I find the tea pitcher almost empty, but not completely, so he's excused from making tea and refilling the pitcher.

Pringles potato chips....2 chips at the bottom means the container doesn't yet need to be thrown away.

Toothpaste....one itsy bitsy squeeze from being completely empty.

Toilet paper....3 squares remaining on the roll and the cabinet empty of spare rolls.  This is something I always check, and for obvious reasons.  This is the one I always mention (nag about) to my husband.

These were little things, but not anymore.  Not after 100 days of close quarters.

Last night, I checked the toilet paper situation and sure enough...3 squares and no spare roll.

I thought it might be time for a meaningful lesson.  You know me well enough by now to see where this is going, don't you?

I always wake up before my husband does and this morning it was no different.

 Except I removed all the extra toilet paper rolls from our "Primary" bathroom along with the boxes of facial tissues. ( I'm grinning as I type this.)  I left 3 squares on the existing roll.

Then I went outside to have my coffee and to enjoy the view, knowing I would be hearing someone call my name for help.  And I did.

And since no one enjoys drinking a cold cup of coffee, it took awhile to respond while I finished my coffee and to bring him what he desperately needed.

Meaningful lesson learned, I think.

Sicilian wives are great teachers.

BTW, my toe is fine, but I lost half the nail.

Day 96

Let me tell you how yesterday went.......

Just so you understand...My husband is tall; I am not.  My husband is thin; I am not.

There's more...As a surgeon he has become accustomed to having someone next to him, when he's in the operating room,  handing him surgical tools as he needs them.  He doesn't realize that "Home" routines don't work that way.  He still thinks that his projects come with "an assistant".....aka, Marilyn.

On the other hand, I'm the kind of person that prepares before starting a project.  I make sure I have what I need and the amounts of each thing I need and I prep as much as possible before I begin....It makes things go smoother.  And, I expect to work on, and complete, the project on my own without asking for help from anyone.

Let me bring you up to date.

We have a side by side refrigerator and the ice maker has not been working properly. My remedy for fixing it would be to call a repair man and leave an experienced person to deal with and fix the problem.

My husband's remedy is to research the problem on YouTube and to fix it himself.

We discussed the situation. He insisted he could fix it and DID NOT need my help. So, I foolishly agreed. I hoped he was right and could fly solo on this project.

I saw him getting his tools plus a flashlight and a mirror.  I heard him move the refrigerator away from the wall. And he confirmed he had turned the power off. And then he began to fix the problem.  Things seemed to be going well.

About 15 minutes into the job, I heard a cry for help, and that 2 extra hands were needed, ASAP.  Obviously, mine.

I reported to the kitchen, to find him halfway into the freezer right below where the ice cube collector bin had once been.  He had removed it to get better access to the back panel.

He needed help in holding up the heavy motor as he attempted to unscrew the panel holding it up. Translation, I was to reach around him and hold the motor up with my left hand as I shone the flashlight into the work area so he could see the panel.

Remember when I described our bodies?  Well, it's very difficult for a short person with short arms to reach around someone in a very limited space and balance on tip toes as you extend arms further than they were meant to be extended.

After  what seemed like an eternity, but probably only 5 minutes or so, my arms began to tremble and I told him I couldn't hold the heavy motor up any longer.  He said that of course I could.

Well, I couldn't.

I let go of the motor; it hit his head and he reared back in pain.  As he did this,  his foot jerked back, caught my left big toenail and brutally smashed it.

In addition, the screws he was holding fell into a wide tube leading from the freezer to the refrigerator motor.  They are not retrievable.  The fridge motor sounds funny, but it's running.  The ice maker isn't running at all.

Current status?

Anthony has a band-aid on his forehead. My big toe is wrapped and I'm going to be wearing open toed shoes for a while.

The repairman is coming Tuesday with a new ice maker and will check the fridge motor at the same time.

Today is another, and hopefully better,  day.

Day 92

I keep learning what "not to do" things.  And to keep you from learning the same lessons, I feel I should share them with you.

Now, this is a pretty specific product so it may not be something you're interested in, but you never know.

You may recall that several weeks ago I told the story about my wearing thigh high compression stockings that often slid down my legs and dragged on the floor from under the trouser legs.  It was so embarrassing.  And they'd slide down in spite of my reaching down every few minutes to pull them up.

Picture yourself pushing a shopping cart down an aisle at the grocery store and the woman in front of you keeps reaching for her thighs, tries to grab "something", pulls it up  and then rubs her thighs all around from front to back.

I guarantee that at this point you're not concerned about whether she has the covid virus or not, you're thinking she has a horrible skin condition going on under her slacks  and she's  scratching madly.  And then you watch her touch items on the very shelf you're going to reach for.

I was that woman, but I was just pulling up my stockings before they dragged on the floor.  I didn't want to be that woman anymore.

Fast forward....

I found a medical adhesive that you roll on your thigh and press the stocking on to it so the stocking adheres to it and doesn't slide down.

I bought it and it worked....very, very, very well. I now have an antiseptic cream on my thighs as the raw skin fills in.

But this isn't the worst part.....

I'm letting my hair grow out so I can tuck it behind my ears. I also have one ear that sticks out a little bit and the hair makes it stick out further.

I know what you're thinking...and you're right.

Before I saw how tight the adhesive would be on my thighs, I added some to the back of my ear and pressed until it dried.  It really pinned my ear back.  In fact it's flat against my head and really doesn't match the other ear.

It's going to be awhile before I can again wear a protective mask that wraps around my ears. 

And there is no way to tuck any hair behind that ear.

Day 84

I'd like to think we should be masters of our own Fate.  And sometimes that comes about as a result of deep meaningful conversations, some negotiating and sometimes it's simple desperation that results in the lesser of evils.

My husband and I just participated in one of those conversations. I wanted him to be in control of future events.  I wanted him to know what to expect.  And I wanted him to choose what was going to happen.

Last night, my sleep was continually interrupted by melodic sounds coming from the person in bed next to me.  I was awakened many times by a cacophony of sounds that ranged from snorts, to grunts to nasal whistles. He, of course, being the source of these sounds was completely oblivious to the annoyance of them.

He slept; I didn't.

I tried gently nudging him into a different sleeping position.  No response from him. I tried slightly tapping the side of his face.  I tried slightly shifting his pillow. Still he continued to make the same sounds that only seemed to be getting louder and louder.  I was feeling like Edgar Allan Poe and the Tell Tale Heart.

And then, I reached over in one last attempt to get some sleep and I pinched his nostrils shut. That had the desired effect.  He gasped and then he rolled over on to his side and slept quietly the rest of the night.  And so did I. 

This morning it was time for "The Talk".

I let him know what had happened the night before. I informed him I was going to take measures to ensure it didn't happen again.  And I gave him a choice of how he'd like me to handle the situation.

 He's been warned.

Did I mention I've been letting my toenails grow?  And he now has a stash of band aids on his nightstand.

Day 83

Words can heal; they can wound.

They can encourage; they can defeat.

Words when combined with positive actions can result in success.

Words when combined with negative actions will result in failure.

Words can incinerate; words can diffuse.

Words can insinuate; words can offer truth.

Words can provide Peace; words can start wars.

Listen carefully, check the source; and search for motives when words are spoken.

Rational behavior, common sense, civility, fairness, patience and respect for others should be our guides.

I'm spitting in the wind, I know. 

But maybe the winds will start blowing in the other direction.

Day 80

You know those silly tests that Facebook offers where you end up finding out what animal you would be if you were not human?

I've always prided myself on finding out that I would be a sleek, sinewy cat of prey, with luminous eyes and muscles rippling with power and strength.

But that's not real life, is it?

A couple of weeks ago, I was out with a friend and a picture of me was taken that was later posted on Facebook. I saw it and thought what an unflattering angle the picture was taken from and that shirt makes me look so big.  I reminded myself never to wear the shirt again and to always sit up straight.   Lessons learned, right?

Well, last night I sat on the edge of my bed, facing the mirror on the dresser on the wall opposite the bed.  And I didn't see a sinewy cat of prey at all!

I saw a frog sitting there...with a small head, limp arms, a full, rounded belly and shapeless legs.  I just needed to be green to complete the picture.

Lesson learned....remove all reflective surfaces  from the home  and NEVER wear green.

Day 79

I've said it several times before and it bears repeating.  I find a wicked sense of humor very appealing in a man.

I think laughter can be a good medicine. A giggle or a chuckle can relieve tension.  Even a big smile can light up a room.

But there is a time and a place for everything.

My husband learned the hard way that the time to laugh is NOT when I'm trying on last year's bathing suit.

He learned that being book smart doesn't mean he learned the survival skills necessary to live in isolated, close quarters with a cranky spouse.

Enough said.

Day 76

Well, this originally was supposed to be a personal account of how we spent 30 days in isolation but it has now turned into 76 days, with very little hope of it ending anytime soon.

My husband and I like to give each other space and though we are close, we are not attached at the hip every single minute of every single day.  So, having a spouse as the only source of conversation was a bit of a strain for the first few days. We adjusted and it looks like we will be celebrating our 57th anniversary next month.

  On  Day 70 I wasn't so sure..

That's when we really started to claim our territory...and our snacks.

\

When I go shopping, I buy Anthony his special snacks and I buy myself my special snacks. The reason being is that we each like separate goodies.  I don't have a problem with that.  What's his is his;  What's mine is mine.

But on Day 66, I reached for a Tupper Ware container that held my favorite cookies and thought  there should have been more in there. But, I could have been wrong so I let it go. These are cookies I only snack on occasionally, so maybe I was forgetful about how many were left.   

The next evening, Day 67, I went to the freezer to get a scoop of my raspberry/chocolate  cheesecake ice cream.  It's one of my favorites and he doesn't like raspberry anything, or so he says. It had been awhile since I had indulged so I couldn't remember whether the amount was as I left it or not. Again, I wasn't sure so I served myself a nice amount which left only one more serving in the container.

Flash forward to Day 70.......We're watching TV and I get up to get the last serving of my favorite ice cream and I can't find the container. 

Are you following me here?

Since there are only 2 of us in the house, I KNEW!!!!!

I turned and just looked at him.  I couldn't believe he had broken the unwritten law of "Hands off other people's snacks".  And yet I said nothing.

To be continued...........

Day 74

Maybe there's a reason for the things we complain about.  Maybe we should count them as a plus instead of  a minus.

I've told you before that this time of staying home has turned me into a watcher and observer.  Little things I never noticed before are now so very obvious to me.

I've also become addicted to doing crossword puzzles.  They help me pass the time and I've increased my vocabulary.

Granted, some of the words are useless in an ordinary conversation but I've enjoyed throwing them in when I can.

This is one of those days. I learned a new word and I'm going to show off by using it today.

I can tell you I've been noticing women's philtrums.  They seem to get wider with age. Mine included. The change is subtle, but it's there.

Then I realized that something else was happening at the same time. Something most of us try to get rid of.  It's a plus, not a minus.  It fills the gap. And it's growing simply for the reason it narrows the philtrum.  Can you guess what I'm talking about?

Don't get rid of it. Leave it be. Be free.  After all, when you are wearing a  face mask no one can see it.  It's like not wearing a bra at home. Who cares?

I've also learned a more refined way to say BS.  "Bovine excrement" sounds so much more dignified and socially acceptable, doesn't it?  Especially when I'm yelling at the TV when I hear so much of it being broadcast to the masses as Truth.

Day 72

My, how things have changed.

It's going to be a long time before I look at a group of "kids" riding on skateboards and not get nervous.

I used to like seeing men wearing Hawaiian shirts.  Now, I'm suspicious that they are part of an anarchist  group.

Seeing trucks carrying loads of bricks makes me want to follow them to see where the bricks are being unloaded.

I used to think the Police would protect us and now we have to protect them.

Hearing Clergy  say that our President is not welcome in their churches makes me wonder if they'd say the same thing to Mary Magdalene.  She wasn't turned away, was she?  Are they trying to change the teachings of Christ?

When items on the grocery shelves are running low, I find myself checking out peoples' carts to see if they are "overbuying". It's getting harder not to make a comment about it. And then I get tempted to do the same just "in case".

Reality is now imitating fiction.  Remember the movies where gangs ran rampant through cities, attacking and destroying everything in sight? Well, it appears somebody read those scripts and they are repeating the scenes in real life.  Once again, it's all being played out in front of the cameras. I hope the good guys win in this "movie".

I'm wondering which is worse,  staying home and worrying about catching the Virus?  Or going out and taking a chance that you will catch the Virus?

Day 73

I'm back. Not that I've gone anywhere to speak of, so I've been left alone with my thoughts.

I took for granted so many things that we've lost in our country, in our cities, in our neighborhoods.

I took for granted that our country was insulated and safe from attacks coming from an inner core of power hungry career politicians looking to protect their forever source of income.

I took for granted that what I saw on TV and read in the papers was an unbiased reporting of events, not a biased opinion.

I took for granted that Governors would protect their states from spread of disease without imposing severe contact rules that would destroy far more people than the disease itself.

I took for granted that Governors and Mayors would help police officers uphold the law by giving them the support they need.  I assumed they'd be allowed to police and not just stand by while innocent shop owners watch their dreams, savings and futures go up in flames.

I took for granted that we had come to a point that color really didn't matter.

I took for granted that Justice was equal for each of us.

I took for granted that children were being raised to follow the rules of society. I assumed parents were teaching them the difference between right and wrong.

I assumed that common sense was still alive and well in this nation until I heard DeBlasio say that he was pleased the riots in New York were relatively peaceful. Really?  The pictures of the destruction show otherwise.

And then I heard Chris Cuomo say that "protesters" (aka rioters) are not expected to obey the law. Really?  Look at the videos of the aftermath of that opinion.

First the virus, now the riots. Storeowners suffered terribly from the first issue and now they're being killed by what's going on now. Can we save those that are remaining?

I cherish so many things now that I once took for granted.

  I want to put my arms around someone as a gesture of support. I want to walk down the street and feel the sun in my face and the wind in my hair.  I want to go to a store and be able to browse and touch and feel the items.  I want to go out to dinner with friends and not be limited to the number of people who can join me. 

I want us to have our lives back, but sadly it's going to be a long time coming...if ever.

Day 68

We invited our 7 year old grand daughter to spend the night with us last evening. She's been in isolation for many weeks, so we felt safe doing so.

What a joy she is to have around. Truly, to see the world through a child's eyes is a treasure and a learning experience.

We brought out games and puzzles and art projects as we prepared for a night of fun and games.

First thing we did, was open a new game called Turtles and Flips.  It's a game for kids 6+ and over. It included cards and tokens...so simple, right?

Wrong!  My husband and I spent 30 minutes trying to understand the game rules before we gave up and put the darned game away.

 WHAT????    2 educated adults couldn't figure out the rules?

Then, we opened up the Match Game box. It's a game where you mix up matched pairs of items and place them face down on a table surface as you take turns flipping up 2 cards at a time looking for matched pairs. Simple, right?

Yes, except that Anthony and I realized we were matched up against a 7 year old memory wizard that had the ability to recall the location of a particular card flipped up to 10 moves previously. 

How is that even humanly possible?

We played 3 games. The Wizard won all three games and they weren't even close. 

WHAT????    2 educated adults couldn't remember where matching pieces were located from one turn to another?

She finally got tired and as I was tucking her in bed, I sat on the bed and happened to see myself reflected in the dresser mirror that faces the bed.

That was a big mistake.  Reality hit home. Quarantine eating has taken its toll on me.

I took action.

Today Anthony was asking me why all the mirrors in the house were now "white washed" below my shoulder level.

Day 67

What can I say?

Have we descended into a world of madness?

A white police officer puts a choke hold on an African American man as he's begging to breathe.  This happens in broad daylight in full view of many people.

And not one bystander rushes over to help? No one confronts the officer.  Even though there was a risk of being arrested, no one came forward to help?

If it had been a mad dog chewing on this man's leg, are you going to tell me no one would have attempted to pry the dog off of the man's body?   

                         

If it had been a child being beaten?

If it had been someone being sexually assaulted?

It's easy to say I would have done so, but I wasn't there. Would fear of police retaliation have paralyzed me?

A man is dead.  And stores are being looted and burned.

Rioting thugs are not being confronted by the police. Store owners, property owners who are still suffering economic woes are now hit full force with economic ruin.  Many of them are people of color.

Shelves have been  stripped of electronics, home decor, clothing and  lawn equipment.

And George Floyd is still dead.  And so is this city's economy.

If this isn't madness, tell me what is.

Day 65

I just got back from the grocery store because we needed some essential items.  It's funny what I now consider an essential because 3 months ago, I would have just walked right by some of these things and never have even considered putting them in my basket.

To start....I have become a chewer.  If I were strictly an ice chewer it might be an indication that I am anemic. But it's not ice I'm craving to chew.  It's nuts, M&M's, popcorn, stuff  like that. 

I have always hated jelly beans, but now for some insane reason I'm buying bags of them and munching on them as I watch TV.   They are sweet and chewy and they are satisfying. And since I've been watching lots of TV, then it means lots of jelly beans.  I hope this is a better choice than the others I've mentioned but my clothes are telling me otherwise.

Ice cream has always been a take it or leave it until a friend mentioned  Publix Special Edition flavors available only until August 2020. With a deadline looming, you know I just had to taste at least one flavor, which then lead to my trying another flavor and another and another.

So, these are 2 new essentials always found in my shopping cart now.  I might have been ashamed to admit this before; but now, who cares?

But let me ask about behaviors that were once acceptable in a grocery store and whether they still are.

How do you feel about someone  shopping for pre-packaged meats picking up and handling several packages while looking for the correct weight or appearance of the contents ? 

Should a shopper pick up a package and then follow a policy of "You touched it so you have to buy it"? or is it okay to search until the right one is found?

Today, there was a woman standing in front of the ground beef packages and picked one up and reached for another package before making her selection when a male customer hissed at her told her she had to buy the package she touched.

 She froze; I didn't. 

I'm Sicilian. I looked right at this man and I reached around her and picked up 2 packages and put them down before selecting a different one. The man walked off without saying anything to me.  How do you feel about this?

What about loose veggies?  Is it okay to touch more than one tomato  before finding the right one? Or again......you touch you buy?

Are we at the point where we are scared to touch anything that others might have touched?  Are we at the point we're willing to intimidate others because we think we have a right to? 

Will we ever get to the point where we will be social with each other again?

God, I sure hope so.