Day 39

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Call me vain and shallow, but the announcement that hair salons would remain closed for at least another 2 weeks just hit me hard.  Really hard.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, because when you see women going out with scarves and caps covering their heads, you know why.  We're all in the same boat going nowhere, just floating in place, watching the grey roots grow.

So, I've been thinking.

I'd be willing to come into a hair salon late in the evening, with cleaning tools, to "Clean" the establishment.  I would come in the back entrance.  With dimmed lights and the window coverings drawn, no one could see in, right?

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I'd pay well.  Cash, small untraceable bills.  And I'd tip well.....very, very well.

If you're interested in my "cleaning services", post a reply on FB  to this thread and just tell me you need cleaning services for your salon.  I'll understand what you mean.

Day 38

Snippets of random thoughts and .........things you know

You know things are bad when you look in the mirror and say," Oh, my God".

You know things are bad when your own dog isn't sure it's you.

You know things are bad when you realize you should have used facial masks that tied around your head rather than ones that wrapped behind your ears  because your ears are now protruding from your head at a 90 degree angle.

You know things are bad when you plan on making peanut butter cookies and end up eating the entire jar of peanut butter instead......twice.

Should I worry when I find my husband making a hand puppet, speaking to it and pretending it's answering him back?  Remember Topo Giggio?

Is it strange to get all dressed up as though you're going out to a special event when you're only going to cut your toenails? Because, in a way, it is an event.

Did you know that fingernails grow faster than toenails? See for yourself. Using a fine tip permanent marker, paint a fine line at the cuticle of your thumb and big toe.  Check the growth every single day for 2 weeks and you'll see I'm correct.

Just to mention.....

There likely isn't a woman who doesn't want thicker hair, or at least, the illusion of thicker hair.  I saw this on a "How To" beauty video on YouTube.

This is so simple.......tease the roots of your hair as much as you can.  Using an extra hold hairspray, spray the roots and let the spray dry.  Lightly brush the strands of your hair over the teased roots, being careful not to undo the teasing. Style your hair as you'd like and using a "Pick" to lift the top layers up.  You now have the illusion of a full head of hair.

Sometimes beauty tips offered on the internet should come with disclaimers

The video didn't show how to brush the tight, heavily sprayed, knotted  teasing out.  I didn't wonder about that.   Perhaps I should have.

It's okay.  My hair grows fast.  And I have wigs.  All is well, for now.

38 days?  Has it only been 38 days?

Day 37

How To.......Not!

This is an intriguing way to start a conversation, right?  And in order to follow what I'm saying,  you're going to have to rely on the picture you paint in your mind.

I don't mind trying new self-improvement techniques.  Sometimes they work.  Sometimes they don't.  Remember my  duct tape, braless attempt?

You would think that would be a lesson to avoid anything to do with tape, wouldn't you?

Oh, no.  I had to give it one more shot.

I stumbled upon an article about using BLENDERM tape as a temporary alternative to a facelift.  It's medical tape, for goodness sake. How could anything go wrong with using this?

Basically, you just need 2 squares of tape and one heavy duty rubber band that you cut in half.  Once you cut the rubber band, measure the  length that equals the distance from just in front of one ear to the other.  Then subtract an inch or so in order to give the desired amount of lift you desire. The shorter the rubber band, the greater the lift.

Okay, follow me now.

Cut a square of tape and cover one end of the rubber band with it. Press to make sure they  adhere together securely.  Then tape that square in front of one ear, pull the rubber band around the back of your head and bring it around to the other side of your head where you'll repeat the same thing with the other square of tape.

The results are magical.

Now, understand that I didn't exactly follow the directions, but the woman in the video looked 15 years younger.

  I was so impressed.

I didn't have a rubber band, but I did have a large roll of that tape, so I decided to improvise.

Instead of cutting squares of tape, I cut one long length to wrap all around my head instead. It's medical tape, right?

I pulled up a section of my hair on the back of my head so I could hide the tape.  I wrapped the tape all around my head and secured it in front of my ears.  I stepped back from the mirror to get a better look  and the person looking back at me was ME , but many years younger. I was thrilled.

 I fluffed my hair around to disguise the tape. It was a little uncomfortable, but
" No pain; no gain", right?

After a couple of hours, I decided to remove the tape and just look like the real me. I figured this would be a fun thing to do for a special occasion.

Well.......another one of those "Do you see where this is heading moments".

Removing this tape from the skin in front of my ears was a piece of cake. Pulling it off from my head was a different story. This tape can substitute for a depilatory tape and it worked perfectly.

My hair grows fast and I have wigs.  All is well.

Day 36

Things I must accept......

I can't play hopscotch any more.

I can't jump rope.

I can't play jacks.

I'm not ever going to get taller.

We're going to be in social isolation longer than I'd hoped.

That when you type "cl",  sometimes the printer will mistake those letters for a "d".  It doesn't mean much unless you're instructing someone to "click" something and then it could prove rather embarrassing.

Speaking of that...watch your spelling and don't rely on auto correct. The word "Public"
 without the "l" takes on a different meaning when you're referring to a "Public" event.

OMG, I think I'm losing my mind.

Day 35

Today you're hearing from someone else.  This isn't Marilyn.  It's her other half.  I'd say better half, but  I would never want her to feel like less than an equal partner. Also, after being married for 56 years, I know pay backs come in many shapes and forms. They can be subtle; they can be painful.  

It's not just the women who want this isolation thing to be over. Do you know how hard it is to adjust to being the one who has to explain what you've done all day when you've been the one doing the asking all these years?

I sympathize with the women who have husbands home just hanging around, moping. These men are now second guessing the way the wives have  done things for years. Drawers are now being left open. We're forgetting to turn off lights.

What a revelation these 35 days have been. I feel like I'm in a de ja vu moment all over again every single day.  I never knew there were so many things that needed to be done during the day.  I certainly was wrong when I pictured my wonderful wife watching TV, chatting with friends and sipping wine on the patio most of the day.

I've learned so much.

It's not fun  to have to do things only to have to do them again the next day and the next day. I'm talking about mundane things like fixing the bed, washing clothes, dusting, vacuuming, cooking. These are not very exciting tasks, but without them a household just doesn't run smoothly.

Homemakers have a thankless job and often go unappreciated.  They are unpaid workers that start off early in the morning and work late into the night.

If a man has a caring partner that makes sure his life is running smoothly, then he needs to step up and show his appreciation and gratitude.  A simple thank you would go a long way and an occasional splurge on a little special something would be a wonderful added bonus to show how much love is felt.

I'm including a selfie of myself so you know it's really me writing this entry.  Don't worry; things are fine here.

Day 34

Thank goodness for the home delivery of The Tampa Bay Times. It's the only way I can figure out what day of the week it is.  Since it's delivered on Sundays and Wednesdays, I know for sure that today is either Monday or Tuesday, OR Thursday, Friday or Saturday.  

With nothing much going on, pretty close to the right day is good enough.

I'm not sure what day today is, but I'm going on with my life....  making new discoveries and sharing them with my friends.

Staying home with nothing to do tends to make me more observant.  I am seeing and noticing things others overlook....it's a talent I've discovered I have.   Alone time seems to allow my special talents to grow and mine have been growing for 34 long days now.

For instance.....

When a strand of grey hair starts to grow, you see a short little piece that grows in length until it's a long strand of hair, don't you?  And if you color your hair, that strand will grow and remain dark at the tip and the grey shows at the root.  You agree this is what happens, don't you?

Okay, now think about your eyebrows.  Have you ever seen a short little piece of white eyebrow hair emerge and grow at its pace until it becomes a full length brow hair? I doubt it.

 And if you dye your eyebrows, why don't you see white roots with darker brow tips as they grow? Do these white brow hairs just break the skin during the night and just sprout  out, full length, to be discovered in the morning?

Why is that? 

I'm sure you thought I was crazy when you first started reading this, but you'll be looking closely at your eyebrows from now on, won't you?

Day 33

If I could only go back to March 24th of this year....actually, March 23rd. 

What's the significance of March 23rd, you ask.  Well, that's the day I cancelled my hair appointment that was scheduled for 2:45 on the 24th.  Had I known than that hair salons would be forced to close for an undetermined length of time, you bet I would not have canceled.

But, here I am, along with millions of other women bemoaning the fact that our grey hairs are really showing and that we are in desperate need of haircuts. It has been 12 weeks, 12 long weeks, since I've had my hair done and I'm looking at several more weeks before it will happen.

Those women who regularly got Botox injections are noticing major changes in their faces. Those who got nail gels don't have the well manicured hands they had before the closings. 

The truth is, we don't look as good as when this started.

My husband says I've changed and he wants the old me back again. I see a little change, 

but not all  that much.

  What do you think?  Maybe it's the earrings?

Enough of my whining, though.  I have to share this with you.

Something good has come out of this isolation thing.

My husband has never been very religious and now he is praying, a lot, all during the day.  And he has a favorite prayer.  It's so sweet to hear.

In fact, he starts his day off with his prayer each morning when he rolls over in bed and looks at me and says, "Oh, dear God". 

I am so blessed.

Day 32

How many days have we been in isolation?  How many more do we have to look forward to??

By now, if you're like me, you have examined every nook and cranny of the inside of your home.  

You know  where every fingerprint is, where every furniture scratch is, which chair leg is loose and every spot where your dog has relieved himself.

I got to this place in my mind about a week and a half ago. And being an observant ( and easily bored)  person, I started to focus on the outside of our neighbors' houses, their cars, their overgrown grass and the weeds in their yards. I even counted the shingles on their roofs.

That lasted about 3-4 days and the boredom set back in.  Looking at the exterior of their homes just wasn't enough.  I started to wonder about the insides of their homes.  What did the rooms look like? What were those people doing?  That's normal, isn't it?

I noticed some windows with open curtains and blinds. Windows that gave me some insight into what was going on.  I admit it sounds creepy, but it really wasn't a big deal.  

And it got me outside, enjoying fresh air , alone and not bothering anyone.

All was going well, until last night......

There is no greater shock than peering through a neighbor's window with high powered binoculars than seeing that same neighbor staring back at you through his binoculars.

  I nearly fell off my ladder .

I think getting back to a normal neighborly relationship is going to take some explaining.

Day 31

I'm starting to plan ahead for the day we are allowed to go out in public and, with some restrictions, mingle with others. I want to look my best when this happens.

I thought watching someone apply make-up online so I could watch, repeat, do it, and just become a butterfly would be an easy way  to learn make-up tricks.

Have you watched YouTube make-up tutorials lately??

First, it defeats the purpose when they start off with someone who is already beautiful sans cosmetics. I want to see a miracle occur....a great transformation from a crow to a peacock. So, give me a homely person who can inspire me.

Is this asking too much? Obviously, it is.

Okay, let's begin.  Please ignore the fact that I really need a haircut...bad.

Using a small amount of vaseline as a moisturizer under the make-up base results in a youthful, dewy look, they say.

Putting rose colored blush under the eyes will hide shadows, they say.

Bronzing powder along the jaw line, disguises a saggy jaw line, they say.

Harsh, dark eyeliner is out.  A smokey look is in, they say. So I'm supposed to smudge the liner.

What's this "blending" thing she's talking about? I guess you learn about it as the tutorial progresses.  I'm okay with that.

Blush should be applied above  the hollow of your cheeks, they say. Well, 30 days ago I did have hollows.  Today, it's a different story.

Oh, here's a hint to create hollows...Suck in your cheeks and in that area, apply a brush stroke of bronzer at an angle towards your hairline, they say. I'm left with a distinct line of dark color, but I guess that's where the blending comes in.

Here comes directions on how to create kissable lips.  I'm good with that.  Apparently, with age, the upper lip drops a bit to create an awkward gap between the nose and upper lip.  Barring cosmetic surgery, this space can be disguised by the use of a lip liner pencil.  Simply creating a new lip line that extends the upper lip up by about 1/4" and then filling in the lips with lipstick, will give me a "pucker pout", they say.

Now, comes the blending part.  With a soft touch, I am to place a blending brush at the places where the different  cosmetics and colors are on my face.  Moving in quick, circular motions, all of the textures and colors will blend, they say.

You see where this is heading, don't you?

I followed the directions.  What  the heck happened?

Day 30

Okay, the days are counting down until we can finally come out of our homes and greet each other in person.

Understand, that we will all be expected to tell lies when that happens.  And you're going to do this if you want a smooth transition into the world you were out of touch with for several weeks.

Oh, don't pretend you never lie.  Everybody does and when you lie to spare someone's feelings you JUST DO IT and know it was for a good cause.

Only now, you're going to have to be really convincing so people believe you're telling the truth.

So,  practice looking sincere and honest when you lie.

And practice looking like you believe the lies when they are directed to you.

What are those lies?

•        OMG, you look great!·
•  
•       You have not changed a bit!
• 
  
•        Goodness, you don't look like you've even gained an ounce.
• 
  
•        You were meant to have grey hair.  The color looks great on you.
• 
  
•       What yelling?  We never heard a thing.
• 
  
•        I never saw the police at your house.  Honest.
•  

Day 29

Another test for you.

When faced with a difficult situation and you don't quite know how to react, do you have prior experience to draw on?

Is there someone you feel could guide you as to what you should do?

Please select a person from the list below that would best exemplify the way you'd respond to a difficult situation that would necessitate a response from you.  Your selection will show you the type of personality and temperament you have.

Please post your selection # as a Reply.

1. Carole
2. Jacob
3. Frankie
4. Marty
5. Emily
6.  Ruth
7. Joe
8. Wendy
9. Darlene
10. Grace

If you know who these people are without further explanation or last names, you are displaying signs of "Confinement Anxiety" and are obviously watching too much TV.

And since I made up this list and it seems I am on a first name basis with these people, what is it saying about me?

Day 28

Staying at home offers the opportunity to try new things.  Many people or businesses, companies or ordinary people are promoting  their products or skills with videos on Youtube or Facebook.  The question is whether they are genuine or just scams.

I figured I would experiment and find out for myself.

For obvious reasons, I will not post pictures and you'll have to use your imagination.

Okay, women really don't enjoy wearing bras. But unless a female is young and nubile, going out without wearing a bra gives the impression  she is wearing 2 divining rods on her chest, low and aimed at the ground.

I did some research and found there are people that have found a way to avoid a no-bra  "low headlights" look.  And all it involved was tape.

Wow!  How hard  could that be?  What could possibly go wrong?

Prepared with a roll of heavy duty  duct tape, I began my trial study.

I cut a strip of tape the length it would take to span the front of my chest. In my case, about 24 inches.

I stood in front of the mirror and placed one end of the tape on the left side of my chest at about the level I wanted  my left "headlight" to be. I wrapped it carefully across my chest to the other side of my body and curved it upward to the same level as the tape on the other side of my chest.  The tape looked like a sling.    So far; so good.  Are you following me?

What I learned.....

I should have used a wider tape.....more like  5 inches wide rather than the standard 1.5 inch wide tape.  You don't have to ask why.....just close your eyes and imagine  the situation and my results.

I learned you should not try to peel the tape off in small sections.  Forget water torture.  If you want the truth out of someone, subject them to tape removal from the chest area.  They'll tell you anything.

   I learned you should make sure that no one is sleeping when you begin the removal process.

  I learned you should  turn off the alarm system in the house, particularly the glass break feature, when you peel off the tape in one fell swoop. 

Who knew I had the vocal range of an Opera Soprano?

Day 27

I think, deep down, that each of us wants to be remembered in at least a small way so that we don't go through Life as a colorless "thing" that no one ever recalls seeing or interacting or engaging with.

I found a way yesterday.  Not the best way, but I guarantee shoppers at Lowe's Garden Shop won't forget me anytime soon.

I need to give you some background first so you know how I got to where I was yesterday and you'll know how to avoid having the same thing happen to you.

How it started........

I've learned that if you sit at a computer for hours that your ankles will really swell.

I've learned from personal experience that if you buy thigh high compression stockings in the recommended size, it will require the help of another person (or two) to simply get them on.  I've learned to  be prepared to cut the darned things off or risk suffering excrutiating pain at the ankles as they wrap around and cut off the circulation as you attempt to pull them off.  (If you think I'm exaggerating, ask my cousin, Pauline.)

I've  also learned  that if you buy a larger size that allows you to put them on by yourself, they can (and will ) slide down your legs at inopportune moments.  If you're out in public when this happens, be aware that other persons will stare at the huge wrinkles (that look like floppy skin)  that have formed at your ankles and that are now dragging behind you.  

At this point, just ignore the stares and head to the nearest bathroom to take them off. 

There is no way to pull them up  and expect them to stay up.

And that's how it ended.....I'm going to have to shop at  Home Depot now.

Another lesson I learned:

Do you know that if you're lucky enough to find the make-up base that you can't find, in the impossible shade that everybody uses, at half the price with free shipping on Ebay, that it's too good to be true? 

Let me just say that the Pale Ivory shade I ordered came to me in a sealed box and jar with the correct color label on in it, but in reality has turned me into more of a Pocahontas than Elizabeth Warren ever dreamed she could be.

Day 26

Trigger Phrases that will guarantee the start of a lively conversation:

 No further explanation needed................

·       . Don't take this as a criticism,but..............

       
·        You were on my side of the bed again last night.

      
·       Have you always chewed with your mouth open?

       
·       Get to the point, puleeeze.

       
·       Leftovers, again?

        

·       Who ate the last slice of cake I was saving for myself?        

·       Are you ever going to shave your legs?

      
·       I'm thinking maybe you really should consider covering up those white roots.

Day 25

Here I am, isolated and desperate...and growing more desperate for social contact  by the day.  Actually, I'm not really, not truly, isolated because I'm  fortunate to have my husband in the house with me.

But I want...no, I NEED, to be around "my kind".

Men reading this won't understand what I mean.  Women reading this will get it.

Men and women may be of the same species, but we are just so different as to how we view the world. 

Give a man a good meal, something to drink and a TV show to watch and he's complete.

Give a woman the same thing and she still needs to have somebody to talk to about the meal, the drink and the show she's watching in order to be complete.

Why is it a man cannot follow a simple conversation with his wife as she jumps from subject to subject and then back again? And yet a girlfriend would know that you were referencing something you mentioned a week ago in another conversation and be able to make the connection in a second without question.  Am I right?

Men are so detail oriented.  For example, when reading a map and determining distance, why is it so important to add up the tiny numbers along the red lines to see how far away a place is?  You won't believe how upset my husband got with me when he asked me how far we were from a particular exit on the Interstate and I put my fingers on the map, brought my hand up  and then held my thumb and pointer finger  1/8" apart and showed him "This far".  You'd have thought it was my fault we missed the exit the way he carried on.

Anyway....back to missing being with "my kind".  Would it be crazy to suggest a bunch of us bring a lunch and meet in the parking lot of a closed Mall, park in a circle, 6 feet apart, open the tail gates or doors and just have some girl time together?  We wouldn't touch but we could have visual contact and maybe share a laugh or two.

Who else is as crazy as I am to even think this might work?

Day 24

So, Hillsborough County couldn't/wouldn't enforce the 10:00 PM - 5:00 AM curfew.

In spite of the fact that 90% of the county population was abiding by these time constraints, instead of confronting these groups of people who were in violation of  the curfew hours, The Powers That Be just reduced our outside times even further.

Just thinking about the detailed research that must have gone into this decision......

Obviously, lab studies must have shown that the coronavirus must become overly active during the "witching" hour of 9:00-10:00.  

Seems we would have become Cinderella at 9:00 and we've been saved from that fate!  Thank God for our saviors.

Who knew?

On the plus side of this, there is high demand for paid snitches who will report curfew violators.  There is money to be made.....on both sides.

You can make some extra money by getting the reward for snitching, BUT you can also agree not to make the phone call, for a small price.  I imagine the $$ will be better in some zip codes and those areas will be considered prime.

If some snitch groups stake these areas out and others come on to their turf, will we be seeing Tampa Turf Wars again?

Tampa Natives know what I'm talking about.

Forget Carol Baskin and Joe Exotic.....We could have the newest series on Netflix.

And all over a curfew.

To paraphrase Paladin....."Have phone; will snitch".