Day 18

I earlier mentioned that I thought our household needed a Book of Rules in order to run smoothly during these mandated days of blissful togetherness.

I had come up with several of them, but they needed editing and revising several times because there were too many loopholes.  Wives will understand what I mean and their partners will know they've been found out

1.    If your mate is turning into a sleepy head, the rule is that the last one out of bed is in charge of        fixing the bed.*

2.   The first one that mentions that something needs cleaning is the one in charge of cleaning it.*

3.   The one who drinks the last bit of tea in the pitcher needs to make a fresh batch.*

4.   Loading  and starting the dishwasher does not earn a person a Badge of Honor or automatically earn him Bonus Points in the boudoir.   This is a thankless job women do on a regular basis and part of the daily routine.*

5.  Leftovers are generally intended for joint family consumption at a later meal. If you somehow manage to eat tomorrow's dinner as today's snack, plan on being the chef for the replacement meal.

6.  Though venturing outside is strongly discouraged and no outsiders will see you, all women should be smart and  take the time to make themselves presentable and look as normal as possible.   No woman enjoys having her husband stare at her and hearing him ask, "Who the hell are YOU?" as he  looks at her from across the room. .....and actually mean what he's  asking.

7.  If you want to hide the fact that you're snacking too often on a cake you've made, slice it and place it in a tupperware container. Chances are he's not going to count the slices.  If you've baked a bundt cake, before you cut it up....did you know you can slide the parts of the cake together to make it look as though you cut a slice rather than a chunk?  Better yet...bake 2 and hide  one for yourself.

8.  Men.....As long as she doesn't know how to work the remotes to get Netflix and Amazon Prime , you have a bargaining tool and some leverage.  Once she learns, you're fair game.

9. For some reason, with each passing day of togetherness the issue of "hearing" becomes a main topic of conversation.  Men elect not to hear "suggestions" and women feel compelled to repeat them more often and with ever increasing volume. Instead, get up close and directly in front of his line of vision when you ask him something in a soft tone of voice.  Force him to read your lips and if you're blocking his view of the TV during his favorite show, you'll find his hearing improves right away.

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*1.  No matter how the bed is fixed, don't go back and fix it "the right way".  It's a trap.

*2. Ignore the dirt, dust, mold....Eventually he'll be afraid to use the toilet with the thick ring of green mold at the water line and he'll clean it.

*3. One or two drops at the bottom of the pitcher doesn't translate as "There's some left".  Be specific and stipulate it has to be enough to fill a glass.

*4. Person loading the last item in the dishwasher is responsible for adding the soap and running it.  Be aware, that there comes a point where not even one more fork will fit.  Assume the responsibility and just do it.

*******  Important lesson to note.....If you ask someone to do something and it does not get done to your expectation and you complain loudly about it, chances are the task won't get done the next time you ask and you'll end up doing everything yourself.

As an aside note......Have you ever wondered where artists, musicians, authors get their inspiration for their artistic creations or their bizarre actions?

I think some sort of quarantine might have been the inspiration for Meatloaf's prayer in his hit song  "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"  and Stephen King's plot in "The Shining".  Not sure about Lizzie Borden yet...I think she was just plain nuts.